I am in a rut. This rut involves making terrible nutritional decisions (too many sticky buns) and never going running and never cleaning my house. It also involves having given up trying to meet new people and instead spending all of my free time eating lychee gummy candy and watching TV on the internet even though I've decided that lychee flavored things taste like cleaning products and TV on the internet is boring. And I keep meaning to post actual thoughts here, but I've ceased to have actual thoughts because my brain has been taken over by thoughts about the people on Grey's Anatomy, which is such an embarrassing thing to admit to, but there it is.
For awhile now, my job has been making me crazy. I think this funk, this sortof shutdown, is a means of dealing with this. I like the actual work I'm doing, but I don't like the work environment. I only work with two people, and they're married to each other, and they shouldn't be. They're totally mismatched. They met a few years ago on the internet and only spent two weeks actually physically in each other's presence before getting engaged. Laura is always saying things about Ben like "He said he was all about fun, but he's not all about fun. I was misled!" They complain about each other all the time. The only time they get along is when they're ganging up on me, which feels often. Arg! Now I'm getting frustrated just writing this.
I want out of Vermont. It's cold here, and I'm the type of person who is always cold even if it is actually warm out and I miss you guys and my parents and civilization... I'm so lonely here! I can't seem to make friends. But Andrew likes his job and wants to stay here for another year. I love Andrew and don't think I could be happy leaving him and I want to be able to do this for him, to stay put and be patient. He seems very happy here, and he's making lots of friends through work. I don't know what to do and I know that this whole post has the feel of a crazy rant so I'm just going to end it.
I'm so so happy I'm going to be seeing both of you soon.
Love and see you on Saturday,