Monday, December 29, 2008

First one!


I have spent most of this glorious morning outside thinking about the conversation we had yesterday. I was thinking that, when we were talking about meditation, I should have mentioned exercise. I should have said that sometimes just the act of moving makes me feel like I imagine one would feel when meditating. The clearest example of this: when I used to go to my grandparents’ house in Virginia and row around in their little blue boat, I would often feel in a sort of trance. There was something about moving my arms in a rhythm, feeling and hearing the water rush beneath the boat, the southern summer sun on my skin, taking a thermos of icewater with me—all my pesky thoughts, all the noise in my head would disappear. I would stop thinking and just experience everything around me. (Life Ball!!) And in fact when I think now of rowing in the creek, I remember the very intense colors of the water (always green, the most beautiful green) and the sky (varied), I remember feeling like the sun on my skin and the icewater I brought along to drink were the very extremes of hot and cold—the hottest and coldest things I could imagine existing. I remember the circles my oars made in the water, the density of the summer air (the conspicuous lack of wind)… I could go on, but the point is, I don’t remember having any sense of myself during these times. Sometimes now I can approach this feeling when I’m running (which is in large part why I run, in hopes of finding this place again) but it’s never quite as intense as it was in the summers of the past. In fact I don’t think anything has ever transported me out of myself the way rowing did. It’s a shame.

I know our first blogpost is supposed to be about resolutions. So, in the spirit of the above, this year I want to think less. I want to become less conscious. I want to do and experience things and stop thinking, and I particularly want to rid myself of the habit of thinking about thinking, or of the habit of trying to figure out how my brain works. It’s dumb, and it’s annoying. So, for me 2009 = a year of action, which will begin with writing in this blog.

I hope both of you are well.